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My aim for writing this blog has a few whys behind it. It’s always good to know and keep remembering why you are doing something so you stick to it, keep your focus and you will achieve more.
I want to be the person that I needed and could not find when I was going through both adventures with breast cancer .
My first one was over 10 years ago, the only books I could find were written by people dying or how to live with a single mastectomy. The first choice I didn’t want to even imagine, I had to keep my focus positive, I can remembering reading a book finishing it hours before surgery, and the author had died. The second wasn’t applicable to me. Things have changed since then, there is a lot more out there.
Still, I want to have gone through what I did to be able to bring something to the table! To not let it be just for my own growth, I want it to count for something.
During the second diagnosis, I frantically searched for someone to talk to, to help me decide if I wanted to have something resembling breasts, which part of my body I would be willing to compromise, or not, whether to choose to have a bilateral mastectomy and no reconstruction. (I will talk about this in a specific blog at some point). As a younger woman and a yoga teacher, my doctors couldn’t tell me if I would be able to down dog or plank! I needed someone with a case like mine.
I also want to be there as a reference point for basically anyone suffering. You don’t need to have gone through breast cancer or something dramatic to be traumatised, to be suffering. To the brain a stress, whether actual or perceived, is a stress, you get the same feelings and suffer in the same way.
What I have is resilience, I have knowledge and I have tools that work. I have learnt not just how to cope, but to live thrive, to not be in a constant state of fear. I have learnt how to process the emotion, to take responsibility for my life, my emotions, my thoughts, my health. I have learnt to sit with myself. I have learnt to live again.
People might think that you have had a bit cut out of you and your okay now. I will write about this one day. It is a little traumatic, and you face your mortality right in the face, not for the faint hearted! Sorry, I am digressing thats for another time!
I have compassion and understanding for every living being that is suffering. My friends thought that they couldn’t talk to me about their everyday problems at the time, they could I wanted them to, I didn’t want it to all be about me, I was bored and fed up of being the focus!!!
However…what I don’t have tolerance for is general moaning and complaining about service at a restaurant, or a shop closing down, the price of peas going up, things that really don’t matter to me. Apart from that suffering is suffering and it stems from our past experiences, how our thought processes work. Good news… learning to reclaim our self love, with discipline, action and consistency we can change anything.
So really, what I am saying is that I want my blog to spread hope, to inspire change, I want to be that beacon for younger and older women with breast cancer, or anyone who has faced a life threatening diagnosis.