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There once was a 30 year old woman who still felt like a little girl. Adjusting to motherhood, pregnant with her second child which was an absolute blessing. You see, she lost a baby in early pregnancy before her daughter….
Losing a baby in the womb cuts so so deeply. It is a loss of the future, of hope mixed in with hormones and a body that still feels pregnant. It is heavy, it cuts so deep and it is raw grief.
I think that was the I started to lose myself…..
I lost faith in my body, it couldn’t carry a life, I had failed. All sorts of awful, negative and totally unnecessary self talk started. Hating myself.
I started to lose a piece of myself……
Now my 45 year old self can see that I would not talk to anyone else like that. I would stroke their hair, hold them and tell them it wasn’t their fault. Tell them to grieve, love them. Tell them I understand the emptiness they feel inside.
I believe that our emotional pain manifests in the physical body. My heart was literally broken and I reinforced the feeling of hurting myself from punishing myself with these negative toxic thoughts. And voila, like magic, 4 years later I had a thickening in my right breast.
Thats when I really started to lose myself……..
My aims are to write and then reflect upon the lessons in my life that have been so painful, and teach you what I have learnt and the tools that I used and still use, to pass on to you ways of coping better, freeing yourself from your mind and really loving fully again.
I want to show you the way and shine a light for you to find yourself again.
The lesson for this piece… look at a picture of yourself as a little girl or boy, full of hope, innocence, trust and wonder. Would you talk to that soul like that? Would you talk to another soul like that? What would you say to someone if they were talking to your family like that? You are that soul. You are that light.
Start to feel into that. Just start to see. Thats all I ask for today.
To investigate and to start the steps towards developing a deep emotional intelligence that will free you.
Sending love until next time xxxx